Feeling decent but irritable.

So shit in my life today has left me irritable. Very very much so. I blew up at my roomie simply because they bickered about me getting our mail, without so much as a thank you. I was already irritable, but yeah I got pissed. But this is normal for borderline pd in me.

Anyway yesterday was great and I fasted as intended no problem. Had lots of water, tea and diet sodas. Today was the second day for skinny girl

Skinny Girl Diet - Day 2 - 300 calories
6 tbsp egg whites - 50
4 saltines - 48
125g of celery - n/a
4 saltines - 48
2 thin slices of deli chicken breast - 50
1 cup lettuce - n/a
1 small chicken breast - 95
1 tbsp salsa - 5
75g celery - n/a
296/300

So yeah not bad. Apparently my roomie bought a box of fucking ice cream sandwiches. Fucking hell I hate them. D= Whatever, I'm going to not go into the freezer anymore. Gonna finish my movie and go to bed. Fast tomorrow.

Ugh, new month, time of a new plan

Okay so I haven't posted in a couple days. Just shit with life being crappy and depression and stuff. I haven't been eating horribly though, but restricting to straight protein foods and under 20g of carbs just wasn't working for me at this point in my life. Maybe at a time when things weren't so stressful or problematic.
So Ive decided for the entire month of November, to combine alternate day fasting, with the skinny girl diet.

So basically it would be like: do 1st day of SG, fast, do 2nd day of SG, fast, do 3rd day of SG, fast, etc.
Here's the skinny girl diet, complete with the rules
I will be changing the rules around though, because I dont feel comfortable with them.
For starters, I am NOT comfortable ignoring the calorie count of most fruits and veggies. Especially things high in calories, like bananas, corn, peas, etc. So I will be counting the calories of EVERYTHING towards my daily totals, except for: lettuce, celery, & cucumbers. These are the ONLY foods I will not count towards my daily total.
I will be doing the 30 minutes of exercise 5x a week. On the fast days, this exercise will be walking, or yoga/pilates, and on non fast days, I will not consider walking as exercise. Rather things like weights, or cardio, or things like that.
And I will be doing extra exercise if I go over my calorie limits.

As for fasting, I'll be restricting myself to teas, water, & diet drinks. If I feel faint on a fast day, I will allow myself no more than 30 calories of broth.

So yeah thats the plan. Started today with day one of the skinny girl diet.

Skinny Girl Diet - Day 1 - 400 calories
8 mini rice chips - 60
1 full bag smart pop popcorn - 260
1 small chicken breast - 80
1/2 cucumber - n/a
400/400

Exercise: 30 minutes of ab and arm exercises.

Tomorrow is my fast day. I'm kind of sick, so I plan on just chilling in bed, maybe going for a small walk if weather permits.

Life sucks.

Yesterday's normal day was well, hard. Not even just the eating, but I had an incident happen to me yesterday, that i will not be sharing here.

It's 10pm now, and Im only having my first meal. the diet for this week is pretty much 400 to 600 calories a day of high protein, and under 20g carbs a day. So pretty much just going to put my body into ketosis, so that I can use my body's fat for fuel and burn it up, while still getting decent nutrition. Cuts out a lot of food groups for me, and I'm pretty much stuck to fish, cheese and eggs. But thats okay. I'll put up with it for a week.

Weight is 131, so thats cool. Met my goal for that week. Even after the normal day yesterday. I was 130, but I guess I gained a pound of water weight back from having ate as much food as i did yesterday. I say its water weight because my scale says my water content % is up from before. so yeah.

Whatever. It's been a hard day. I thought yesterday's experience (i wont say what it was, but it was of a sexual nature and i did have to go to the police for it.) would make me want to eat and eat and eat, but its done the opposite. I'm just not hungry at all. Sigh.

I might be up another 3 or 4 hours, but regardless, g'night.

Anxious

Okay so I got through the night yesterday. I breathe a sigh of relief.

Today 500 day. Had a slice of peanut butter toast, and a piece of leftover pizza.
Total: 405 for the day.

I'm done and going to bed tonight, since I have to pick up my check tomorrow. I'm apprehensive about tomorrow's 'normal' day, but I think it's necessary particularly for my metabolism. I'll be doing some exercise, too so hopefully, that normal amount of calories wont completely make me unbearably uncomfortable. And I hope for sure that I dont binge either.

Well bed time.

I've had 445 calories today, and I can feel myself fighting back a binge. Its been creeping up on me all day, and Im already over my abc amount for today by 45 calories. It doesnt help that the roomies bought pizza and I had to have a slice while they made me watch some dumb movie. Ugh, probably 300 cals even though it was thin crust veggie. I dunno though Im just guessing.

Im not sure what to do really. Things have been hard right now, and its tough. I think I might set the limit to 700, and then just go with that. I've still got 3 hours to go through before bed, and it's just soo hard. I'm hungry, but Im also distressed, warn down, and too tired to fight my feelings, but not tired enough to get sleep.

If I can find my sleeping pills though, then Im just going to take those and sleep. Yeah thats the plan.

EDIT: found the pills, thank god. G'night. <3

Hrmmm

Well today I had nothing until just now. I told myself I'd stay under 200 today to make up for tomorrow. And dammit I'm going to do that.

Though being broke sucks. I hate running out of safe foods, it makes me feel, well vulnerable. I don't get paid till wednesday. I was going to have tomorrow be my 'normal' 1k day to keep from binging. And then start another week of serious restriction. But payday is a trigger for me as far as binging is concerned. So I think for this week, I'm just going to keep on ABC until wednesday, and THEN have wed as my normal day, then start the new diet week on thursday, and continue like that. Having my normal day on payday may help with the binge craving that comes with that trigger.

So day 7 of ABC is 300 cals. All I've had today:
1 weight watchers shrimp marinara frozen dinner = 190

And I plan on hitting the bed in a half hour for sleep. I'll also save weighing myself till wednesday morning, and all that too. I hate that this week will be 2 days longer than the rest, but I dunno whatever. It's a better idea as far as working around my triggers.

Not sure what I'll have tomorrow. I'm in the process of working that out right now, and after that, sleep. G'night.

Ugh failure

Ugh. Had nothing at all to eat for most of the day. I think more than anything I was afraid of eating because I might end up having to feel what I felt yesterday. All those cravings and urges to binge. I was worried eating would open pandora's box, and then i might binge and binge.

Today was a 200 day. I would put down what I ate, but I ended up eating a total of 310 calories. Going over by 110. It makes me feel fat. I should know thats not terrible, but I feel like a bad person for going over the set amount. I was doing perfect till today. 6th day on a 7 day long abc challenge, and I went over and screwed up. I hate it. I feel like a failure. My last day is a 300 day, and realistically I could just swap today with tomorrow and say okay tomorrow I'll just have 200. But that feels like I'm cheating just to feel better.

But even though it feels that way, I'm still going to aim for 200. I'll just be restricting myself to some egg whites and my can of weight watchers soup.

Ugh I know I wont gain logically, but I feel emotionally like oh my god, I'm going to put on 5 pounds just from 300 calories.

Sigh I'm going to bed before I ravage my cupboards.