ABC day 3

300 calories

1 spring vegetable cup-o-soup - 50
1 20g mushroom - 4
5 tbsp liquid egg whites - 42
85g chicken breast - 85
1 stick gum - 5
1 apple sauce - 50
1 fat free sugar free yogurt - 35
Total: 271/300
Exercise: 20 minutes light exercise
Liquids: Done. 1 cup green tea, 1 cup mint tea, 4 cups water, and a couple glasses of diet rootbeer and coke zero each.

Ugh today was hard. Had to pull out the anti-binge kit today, since I was really feeling pressured to eat. Instead I grabbed a stick of gum, read off my very personal list of reasons not to binge and to continue restricting, and then went over the list I made of other things to do right that moment besides eat. So I cleaned out the cat box, washed out the toilet, and then had a cup of mint tea. I got through it okay.

ABC Day 2

Day 2 - 500 calories

172g pear - 100
6 tbsp liquid egg whites - 50
53g celery - 7
1 package (85g) smoked herring - 130
1 100 cal package smartpop - 100
1 100 cal package smartpop - 100
Total: 487/500
Exercise: 33 minutes of various cardio, core, upper and lower body on the EA Sports Active 2 game.
Liquids: done. 2 cups green tea, 5 cups water, and coke zero and diet a&w rootbeer throughout the day.

Done and done. Picked up some melatonin at the drug store today, and Im hoping it helps my insomnia. I havent been able to sleep more than 4-5 hours in a 24 hours period, and cannot sleep more than an hour at a time it seems. not to mention the 1-2 hours it takes to fall asleep. Throughout the month Ive tried everything from relaxation, breathing, tons of sleeping pills, bother perscription and non. So i'm going to try the melatonin, because it used to make me sleep really well since it helped me get more restful sleep. So even if I sleep say only an hour and a half, at least it'll be better than the hours i was getting before.

Bought veg at the store today too. Was running out. Got some chives and mushrooms to add to my broths I'll be having on monday for my 100 cal day. But yeah I'm prepared to attempt sleep. G'night

ABC Day 1

Yeah I fubared yesterday so started over today. Same goals as before still apply to the next 7 days.

1 fat free sugar free yogurt - 35
1 string cheese - 60
1/2 can chunky soup - 162
1 80g chicken breast - 80
1/2 can chunky soup - 162
Total Calories: 499/500
Exercise: 40 minutes of various cardio, core, upper and lower body on the EA Sports Active 2 game.
Liquids: Done. 6 cups water, 2 green teas, several glasses coke zero and diet a&w rootbeer.

Today was easy enough. Got That EA Sports Active 2 for my Wii yesterday when I went shopping for presents. Very cool. I HATE exercising, but this is actually just what I needed. Something to tell me what to do, how long to do it for, and so on. It actually works you surprisingly hard. I had my doubts because its a console 'game'. But its really just like working out at the gym. Hopefully I can stick with it.

Anyway, just finished off the other half of that soup, so I'm going to chill with some TV and then go to bed. G'night.

ABC day 1

Before listing my calorie intake for the day, I have a couple of goals I've set for myself for this week, while undergoing the ABC.

Goals
1: Have 2 cups green tea, and 4 cups water daily
2: Despite hating exercise, try to aim for 20 minutes of any physical activity, daily. (time not completed must be added onto the next day)
3: Do something nice for myself (with the intent of being nice to myself. So nothing for other reasons, then calling it that something nice. Have to have the intent)

1 can light campbell's vegetable soup - 136
1 (85g) mini pizza - 190
2 cups of plain tea - 0
Total: 326

Exercise: None. Wasn't feeling physically well today. (will have to do 40 minutes tomorrow)
Liquids: Done. (had the water and tea)
Nice Activity: Painted my nails and had a nice time.

Well under today. I wanted to eat closer to the 500, but didn't. I put off eating anything until late tonight, but didn't anticipate that I would get sleepy so unusually early for me. Bed time now

Ugh

So for about a week Ive been on a binge-restrict/fast cycle. It's disgusting. Some binge days I clock over 2k in calories. I feel so ashamed.

I'm going back on ABC on monday. I will stick to it until Christmas, and I'm going to make that a promise, so that I feel more obligated to hold true to that. ABC seems to work better for me. I can have the things I like and spend my calories how I want, but still have limits to adhere to. So yeah I'm going to give it all the effort I've got.

Well apparently, it snowed the other day here. I fucking hate the cold. It bothers me a lot. Plus we have a flight of stairs to climb up and down just to get to the front door, and its dangerous going up and down them with the snow. >_< I have no intentions of going to the gym given that it is snowy outside, and cold. I can't do an hour walk in the snow just to do something else that I can't stand doing on top of it. Hopefully it warms up. But for now I'll stick to weights, pilates, and ddr, provided that I actually get off my ass to do these things consistantly. Ugh I HATE physical exertion.

Im such a fat ass

Wow today was terrible. Emotionally things were horrible for me. I was anxious and distressed and stressed out and everything going on made me feel terrible. I want to take some courses at our university here, but its so expensive and I don't have money (especially seeing as how I live on disability checks.) and i don't want a loan because our government issued student loans are very very hard to pay back, (and what with the possibility of needing to move to the states and that happening before i get the opprotunity to pay off the whole loan) yeah. And i don't want debt. and there's drama with friends, and yeah just tons of things right now that aren't putting me in a good frame of mind.

And well this stuff totally ruined my day, diet wise. I definitely didn't fast. In fact I was so depressed, that I went out and bought food, completely on the intent to binge. And I did. Now I don't want to say how much it was, because it's embarrassing, but I feel I should be public with it, because the embarrassment might be a determent. So over the course of the past 5-6 hours I managed to consume 3600 calories. Give or take a calorie or two. That fucking disgusting. Of course after every little binge (there were 3), I NEEDED to get the food out of me. Now I don't purge through vomiting, for SEVERAL reasons. (the biggest being I promised my fiance i wouldn't, and also it's terrible for my teeth, and I lack the ability to pay for dental. So instead, I took laxatives. Now I by no means abuse laxatives on a regular basis. It's only for the binges where I really can't feel alright with that much food in me. Where the physical discomfort and the mental discomfort are unbearable. So I took about a total of 6 lax over all. And Ive just finished in the bathroom, and taken my sleeping pill and I'm so so very ready to leave this day behind me (fuck you daylight savings! way to give me another hour to this shitty day -_-)

I WILL fast tomorrow for sure. Its the last day of this week, and I want to make sure I didn't completely go through this week empty-handed in the way of losing pounds or inches or that sort of thing. If I don't have a thing to do tomorrow with friends of mine, then I will for sure be hitting the gym loaded on caffeinated tea and ready to punch out a super long session. Rain or shine. And hell, if not tomorrow, then I'll make it a priority all next week.

Ive also been considering one week this month; not this coming week, but the week after, of doing the master cleanse. I tried it once before, but to be honest I wasn't doing it as was written. I really feel like maybe 10 days of proper master cleanse, complete with evening laxative tea and morning salt water flush, may be something that I can benefit from. I'll look around and see what kind of cash it would cost me to supply myself enough for the 10 days, and just think about it.

But yeah I should get some sleep. God dammit, I think I need another pill. This one I took like a half hour ago, and I'm still not tired. -.-

Hmm

So I had a nice chat with my fiance, but there were some very depressing topics. And It caused me to eat more than I should have today. I wanted to stay around 400/500 ish, and ended up having 800 today. I wont post what I ate, but ugh.

Yesterday was great though and I fasted with no problems. However, last night I couldn't sleep. I tried to lay down at 2am yesterday and tossed and turned, and it wasnt an overactive mind that was keeping me up. In fact it was hunger. And I finally fell asleep and then woke up again at like 5am, and then was up for hours and hours trying to get back to bed. So after doing this song and dance for awhile, at around 9am I finally ate something. Which isnt typical of me, because Im never up before 11am-noon. I normally dont eat that early. Well then I tried to sleep again and couldnt, and had something else at 11am, and finally went to bed at noon, woke up around 8pm, and ugh. Ate breakfast, was doing okay, then me and the SO had that talk which was nice, but then the depressing topics happened with the holidays and all this other stuff, and after he left, I was nowhere near tired, considering I had woken up not too long ago.

So I ended up depressed, and I ate. So yeah rather than what I should have had, I had double that. The limit today was 400 and I hit 800. So to make up for it, instead of fasting tomorrow and doing the next day of skinny girl on sunday, I'll be fasting both sat and sun.

Im gonna pop a sleeping pill and get to bed now, before I turn an 800 day into a binge.