Hmm

Today wasnt bad at all. Managed to have around 300 calories and less than 15g of carbs. Of course I think I'm just going to find something else to do. Maybe I might fast for the rest of the week. I'm pretty worked up with fear about if i let myself eat, am I going to purge again. I was thinking about doing it after I had dinner. It wasn't much food at all but those uncomfortable feelings of fullness kept me thinking about it.
I'm just going to stay at home, and cleanse myself with a water fast over the next 3-6 days. It might be the only thing right now that will shift the weight i gained on remeron off, since I'm taking an anti-psychotic right now that's been making it hard to lose weight. Thankfully I'm not gaining on it, and Ive taken it for close to a month now.
Of course at it's current dose it isn't helping. I see my doctor on Wednesday so I'll ask him about maybe trying something that doesn't have weight gain as a side effect. It's just too hard to try and achieve the frame I once had long ago, when the shit I'm taking either tosses me into the opposite, or does what this is doing now, which is hindering the loss.

I dunno I'm all over the place. If fasting is the only thing that is going to help me lose the med weight, and clear my mind and give me distance from things like thoughts of purging, then that's what I'll do.