Just started today. So far it's been going well. Started my day off with an apple and some yogurt, and then hit the gym and did some light biking, and the eliptical. In total (including the walk there and back) I burned 963 calories. After I came home I had my post workout lunch, and then about an hour later I was really weak.
I found myself about 50 minutes ago, wandering over to the store with the last 10 bucks I have to my name till wednesday. I ended up wrestling with myself for a half hour in the store, about whether to get something. I couldn't end up committing to fruits and veg, but I also didn't cave and buy whole big bags of chips, and cupcakes, and those kinds of things. I ended up coming home with two bottles of coke zero, a box of 100 calorie snack pack things, one of those really tiny bags of bbq chips, and some sushi. I haven't touched any of it. I'm not feeling as energyless as i was, but now I'm at home wondering whether I should eat these things. Part of me says that it's okay because I burned so many calories at the gym. The other part of me says that it's okay to waste the food and that I don't want to undo the hard work I put in.
Usually with calorie restriction, I also increase it with half the caloric expenditure from exercise. So the 500 for today + 481 from half my exercise. But I think I'm scared that if I eat just one of the things I picked up, that I'm going to just open up pandora's box and shovel everything else in. *sigh*
I'll edit this post later with the actual daily total before I go to bed. Hopefully I wont end up stuffing my face
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Hrmmm
So went 3 1/2 days on the fast. Not bad.
Plan on starting ABC on monday. I remember the success I had on it before and how it really helped me get down to the 100's before. So it's motivating using personal success. This time I'm really sticking to it. I'll also unlike last time, be exercising. 4 days a week (mon, tues, wed, fri) I'll be hitting the gym for 1-2 hours of cardio (amount depends on calories for the day.) and then for the remaining 3 days (thurs, sat, sun) I'll be at home doing strength training, abs, and pilates. Throwing in 30 day shred workout on days where I have enough energy.
Taking the risperidone I'm on, makes it hard to really shift weight. It's fucking with my metabolism more so than just eating habits alone. So I'm hoping that by incorporating the exercise, that it will aid in that so I can see results at a speed I'm content with.
Ugh, can't believe Im up this early (9am). I'm a stay up till 4am, get up at noon-1pm kinda gal. I dont do mornings. They make me feel physically sick to my stomach. But whatever. I'm going to use the time to get in some 30 day shred and pilates before D&D today. But food wise today, I'll be limiting myself to 600 calories. I don't want to fast because I'll just slow down my metabolism right before ABC and that's no good.
Plan on starting ABC on monday. I remember the success I had on it before and how it really helped me get down to the 100's before. So it's motivating using personal success. This time I'm really sticking to it. I'll also unlike last time, be exercising. 4 days a week (mon, tues, wed, fri) I'll be hitting the gym for 1-2 hours of cardio (amount depends on calories for the day.) and then for the remaining 3 days (thurs, sat, sun) I'll be at home doing strength training, abs, and pilates. Throwing in 30 day shred workout on days where I have enough energy.
Taking the risperidone I'm on, makes it hard to really shift weight. It's fucking with my metabolism more so than just eating habits alone. So I'm hoping that by incorporating the exercise, that it will aid in that so I can see results at a speed I'm content with.
Ugh, can't believe Im up this early (9am). I'm a stay up till 4am, get up at noon-1pm kinda gal. I dont do mornings. They make me feel physically sick to my stomach. But whatever. I'm going to use the time to get in some 30 day shred and pilates before D&D today. But food wise today, I'll be limiting myself to 600 calories. I don't want to fast because I'll just slow down my metabolism right before ABC and that's no good.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Day 2
Halfway through day 2 of my fast. I'm actually trying to shoot for 10 days if i can, but 6 is the bare minimum. No cravings at all today so far. Even walked into the grocer for some tea, and wasn't tempted by anything. Day 2 is always easier for me than the first day. Tomorrow I have d&d that I play, so I'll be out most all the day and that should make it easy to resist food.
Hoping eveyone's day is well and full of enjoyment.
Hoping eveyone's day is well and full of enjoyment.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Hmm
Today wasnt bad at all. Managed to have around 300 calories and less than 15g of carbs. Of course I think I'm just going to find something else to do. Maybe I might fast for the rest of the week. I'm pretty worked up with fear about if i let myself eat, am I going to purge again. I was thinking about doing it after I had dinner. It wasn't much food at all but those uncomfortable feelings of fullness kept me thinking about it.
I'm just going to stay at home, and cleanse myself with a water fast over the next 3-6 days. It might be the only thing right now that will shift the weight i gained on remeron off, since I'm taking an anti-psychotic right now that's been making it hard to lose weight. Thankfully I'm not gaining on it, and Ive taken it for close to a month now.
Of course at it's current dose it isn't helping. I see my doctor on Wednesday so I'll ask him about maybe trying something that doesn't have weight gain as a side effect. It's just too hard to try and achieve the frame I once had long ago, when the shit I'm taking either tosses me into the opposite, or does what this is doing now, which is hindering the loss.
I dunno I'm all over the place. If fasting is the only thing that is going to help me lose the med weight, and clear my mind and give me distance from things like thoughts of purging, then that's what I'll do.
I'm just going to stay at home, and cleanse myself with a water fast over the next 3-6 days. It might be the only thing right now that will shift the weight i gained on remeron off, since I'm taking an anti-psychotic right now that's been making it hard to lose weight. Thankfully I'm not gaining on it, and Ive taken it for close to a month now.
Of course at it's current dose it isn't helping. I see my doctor on Wednesday so I'll ask him about maybe trying something that doesn't have weight gain as a side effect. It's just too hard to try and achieve the frame I once had long ago, when the shit I'm taking either tosses me into the opposite, or does what this is doing now, which is hindering the loss.
I dunno I'm all over the place. If fasting is the only thing that is going to help me lose the med weight, and clear my mind and give me distance from things like thoughts of purging, then that's what I'll do.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Fast day = dissapointments in myself
Second day of the fast went well till around midnight. I ended up eating an excess of food in the form of apple turnovers, potato salad, and bread with butter. It ended up coming out to around 1000 calories in the process of about 15 minutes.
Of course I purged it all immediately. I really just couldn't deal with all the food inside me. I feel terrible about purging it actually, since I made a promise to stop doing it. Which I had kept for a good 5 months. But then I went and broke it, and no I feel lousy about it. I mean physically I feel great. I feel empty and light, and even a bit light headed which is something I've always liked about purging. Of course purging is annoying for me too. The worst of it being when the vomit expels through my nose as well as my mouth.
Tonight wasn't a pleasant binge/purge either. The apple mix in the turnovers sunk at the base of my stomach and it's sticky texture made the bread come up very thick, since I didn't drink any water till after i ate. Also when it did come up, it burned badly because of the acidic nature of the apple.
Yeah seriously everyone, just don't do it. I very much do not condone purging whether vomiting, or laxative and diuretic use, and even excessive amounts of exercise I don't really recommend on low cal diets, because the serious lack of protein won't give your muscles what they need to repair themselves after a workout that's intense and strength based.
It's why I'm doing this ketogenic thing, so that I can build muscle and burn fat as effectively as i can. It's set up to where I'll get around 55-60g of protein which is adequate for my body size.
Anyway I'm exhausted, and I really want to end this depressing day so that I can wake up tomorrow, have my egg whites and head to the gym.
Of course I purged it all immediately. I really just couldn't deal with all the food inside me. I feel terrible about purging it actually, since I made a promise to stop doing it. Which I had kept for a good 5 months. But then I went and broke it, and no I feel lousy about it. I mean physically I feel great. I feel empty and light, and even a bit light headed which is something I've always liked about purging. Of course purging is annoying for me too. The worst of it being when the vomit expels through my nose as well as my mouth.
Tonight wasn't a pleasant binge/purge either. The apple mix in the turnovers sunk at the base of my stomach and it's sticky texture made the bread come up very thick, since I didn't drink any water till after i ate. Also when it did come up, it burned badly because of the acidic nature of the apple.
Yeah seriously everyone, just don't do it. I very much do not condone purging whether vomiting, or laxative and diuretic use, and even excessive amounts of exercise I don't really recommend on low cal diets, because the serious lack of protein won't give your muscles what they need to repair themselves after a workout that's intense and strength based.
It's why I'm doing this ketogenic thing, so that I can build muscle and burn fat as effectively as i can. It's set up to where I'll get around 55-60g of protein which is adequate for my body size.
Anyway I'm exhausted, and I really want to end this depressing day so that I can wake up tomorrow, have my egg whites and head to the gym.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Fresh start
Apologies for not updating here. It's been hard. The medication I'm on is making it so difficult to shift weight no matter how well I'm doing. And that is rather discouraging to me, so it makes it difficult for me to desire posting regularly.
So I've starting over. Saturdays are always like my new week. So I've fasted for today. Rather effortlessly. I spent the whole day doing D&D and stuff so all I had was tons of water. Made sure to have lots since it's been 85-92 degrees for the past 4 days.
As for tomorrow, a different group of friends and I have another role-playing game. So I will be taking the opportunity to fast on Sunday as well.
Then up until next Saturday (so for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday) I will be restricting my calorie intake to 400 or less, and restricting my carb intake to less than 20g a day. Pretty much low carbs to put myself into ketosis, and going to have high protein (or high for that calorie level anyway) as I will be strength training a different set of muscles each day (arms one day, legs one day, stomach one day, etc). I'll also be doing 30 minutes of good cardio each day to help burn the fat.
So that's the plan really. I find that right now, its very hard to just calorie restrict. Abstaining from food completely is easy and effortless lately, but the minute I've allowed myself to have something, I tend to overeat. Specifically carbs and sweets. Whereas I'm limiting carbs and no sweets. Mostly I will be having tuna, tofu and tofu hotdogs, egg whites and shrimp. I may have like a lipton soup at hand too for lunch since the ones I get are 10g in carbs.
Anyway I'm exhausted. Time for bed.
So I've starting over. Saturdays are always like my new week. So I've fasted for today. Rather effortlessly. I spent the whole day doing D&D and stuff so all I had was tons of water. Made sure to have lots since it's been 85-92 degrees for the past 4 days.
As for tomorrow, a different group of friends and I have another role-playing game. So I will be taking the opportunity to fast on Sunday as well.
Then up until next Saturday (so for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday) I will be restricting my calorie intake to 400 or less, and restricting my carb intake to less than 20g a day. Pretty much low carbs to put myself into ketosis, and going to have high protein (or high for that calorie level anyway) as I will be strength training a different set of muscles each day (arms one day, legs one day, stomach one day, etc). I'll also be doing 30 minutes of good cardio each day to help burn the fat.
So that's the plan really. I find that right now, its very hard to just calorie restrict. Abstaining from food completely is easy and effortless lately, but the minute I've allowed myself to have something, I tend to overeat. Specifically carbs and sweets. Whereas I'm limiting carbs and no sweets. Mostly I will be having tuna, tofu and tofu hotdogs, egg whites and shrimp. I may have like a lipton soup at hand too for lunch since the ones I get are 10g in carbs.
Anyway I'm exhausted. Time for bed.
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